Sick and sad

When you have a child, everybody tells you that the first few years of his life—especially if he spends time in a multi-child environment such as daycare or preschool—are a major bootcamp for his immune system. What they don’t tell you is that your immune system is also going to go through hell and back. The first year of daycare just plain sucked for us—Husband and I were sick just as much as the Child because he insisted on sharing all of his germs with us. The next two years were better—both because our systems bucked up a bit from the nightmare of the first year and because we learned to take some preventive measures (like not finishing his leftovers with the same spoon or not letting him drink from our glasses). But this time, we failed miserably to keep this nasty cold at bay. What sucks even more than getting sick is that it comes smack in the middle of ovulation time—the first time we have a chance to try after losing a pregnancy more than two months ago. While it may have looked very cute and adorable and all on Friends when Monica and Chandler were doing the nasty when she was sick, I am sure that making a baby with a coughing, snotty, feverish wife is not what my husband would call a fun time… Preschool germs, I hate you.

Also in the it’s-not-fair category, this week’s Thursday night line up on NBC. Is it me—or does every single show I watch these days have a pregnant woman on it? Yesterday’s Scrubs just about killed me. I went straight to bed and I cried and cried and cried. Don’t get me wrong, I really love the show, but this time, it really hit me hard. Just when I think I am out of the woods, feeling positive and looking toward the future, I come across the reminders of what I lost or what may go wrong next time… And it makes me crumble. I can’t seem to go forward without immediately taking a huge step back.